Hetero-sex-ual, homo-sex-ual, bi-sex-ual. These things are all tied into sex. None of them describe the way I feel. I’m a person. “Sex” is not what I use to define myself.
I am a person, I am romantic, I am attracted to my significant other, my significant other has a penis. These things do not define me.
I have thoughts and dreams and hopes, I have accomplishments and I make mistakes. I like to watch movies and play on the computer. I have hair that I dye different colors depending on my mood.
Don’t all these things say more about me than my so-called “sexuality”?
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Feb
22
2010
 
Sexual IdentityPosted by Re in Culture, Life, Media, tags: contemplation, Culture, gay rights, norms, reflective, thoughts
Nov
20
2009
Proof I don’t need ChildrenPosted by Re in Culture, Life, Reflections, Stories, tags: choices, contemplation, Culture, gay rights, gender, life, normalcy, norms, realization, reflective, story, thoughtsI just remembered something. See, sometimes I pick up my three-year-old sister from daycare. One day, I picked her up and when we were going to the car she was telling me about one of her little friends. His name was Andrew. She said, “Andrew doesn’t wear panties because he’s a boy. Boys don’t wear panties. Boys wear underwear.” Now, since I’m not her mother and I’m not raising her, I just let it go. Besides, she’s three. They’re just trying to teach her the basics of life. Can you imagine if it was my kid, though? You know I would immediately walk back into that daycare center and bitch them out. Something along the lines of “why the hell are you teaching my child that boys don’t wear panties? Boys can wear whatever they want. Why are you differentiating between boys and girls anyways?” The world is probably glad I’m not a parent.
Nov
18
2009
Personal Flaws, or something.Posted by Re in Life, Reflections, tags: choices, contemplation, Culture, emotive, happy, life, life is short, normalcy, norms, reflective, sad, thoughtsI get really angry when I’m trying to help someone and all they do is give me back reasons why it won’t work. Especially when the issue is completely psychological. Now, before any of you get on me, I’m aware that what I’m saying may be pretty hypocritical. I want to change these things in myself, too. If you are depressed because you’re stuck in a crappy town, I’m going to try and help you think about the future when you can get out of it. I’m a futurist. That’s what I do. So when you turn back to me and say things like “well just because you got out doesn’t mean it will work for me.” Shut up with your negativity. When I’m trying to help you it feels really shitty when you just shut down my help. When you’re feeling low self esteem and I tell you you’re not unattractive, please don’t respond with how you feel unattractive and that’s what matters. Say thanks and internalize the praise I’m sending you — it’s meant to make you feel better. If people tell you that you’re cute and you don’t listen to them, you’re never going to feel cute. You’re always going to feel shitty and ugly. You could be the most beautiful person in the world but if you don’t believe people when they tell you that, you’re shit out of luck. And please please PLEASE don’t complain to me about feeling fat. Chances are it’s the way your body is supposed to be, it’s perfectly healthy, and you’re just trying to fit into some shitty societal norm that doesn’t even make sense. When you tell me that you’re jealous of my tiny body it just makes me feel shitty. I didn’t choose to be this way, I have a really small bone structure and a fast metabolism. As soon as I turn 20 or 25 my metabolism will slow down and I’ll have the same issues that you do. So please PLEASE learn to accept your body. It was made for you and it’s yours to love.
Nov
12
2009
Oh, Gender.Posted by Re in Culture, Life, Reflections, tags: assumptions, binaries, contemplation, Culture, gay rights, gender, gender binaries, missing people, normalcy, norms, reflective, relationships, stereotypes, thoughts, transgenderApparently you’re out to get me. You and every other non-hetero-normative thing I can think of. Last night I was out with some group members working on a project for class. At the end of the night I got a phone call from Christoph saying he was ready to pick me up. As soon as I got off the phone, one of my group members said “Oh you have a boyfriend?” I cringed a little, quite a bit actually, and then responded “yeah.” The group responded with various “aww”s and “cuuuuute”s, which basically killed me inside. Who said I was straight? You guys don’t know me. I specifically haven’t mentioned any of that because it’s not any of your business. Also, why do we need to use such gender-defining terms? WHY “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”? I do NOT like these at all. Why can’t everyone use terms like “partner”? Not everyone conforms to society’s labels for male or female. If we eliminate the constricting terms, we can create an environment so much more conducive to exploring of the self and identity expression. If the words being used to pigeonhole people are gone, the negative feelings won’t have words attached to them, and the thinkers will be forced to re-evaluate the way they are reacting. As it is, it’s easy to say things like “you can’t act that way because you’re a girl and that’s not how girls act. No one will want you to be his girlfriend ever.” Instead of living up to the expectation of being someone’s “girlfriend,” one should try to find a relationship where each participant is a partner – working together. I almost said something last night. What would I have said? Could I really go off on this rant to people I barely know? I’m not sure I have that kind of courage. I’m also not sure I could have rationally expressed my thoughts – I was much more likely to get angry and defensive, and not present a convincing argument at all.
Sep
10
2009
What makes me me?Posted by Re in Classwork, Consciousness Meaning and Life Purpose, Life, Media, Reflections, tags: awake, blogging, choices, cmlp, contemplation, life, life is short, realization, reflective, thoughtsI’m not sure I know myself very well at all. In the movie Juno, Mac MacGuff says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when,” to which Juno responds, “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” This statement speaks to me, and I feel much the same sentiment. Often people make statements about me, or are surprised when I say certain things or act certain ways. I am often confused, frustrated, and occasionally hurt by these statements, because I don’t usually think of myself the same way other people are making me seem. This feeling is described and explained very well in this video by Ze Frank, specifically starting around 2:30:
I realize that I so often ignore as much of the world as I can and just let things happen to me. I choose ignorance over knowledge because I am afraid of things such as failure or rejection. This fear drives me to hide within my own inner circle, to keep to myself and stay around what I know to be ‘safe’. This is what causes me to stay within the same activities, as well as avoid taking risks of any sort. I’m afraid to start anything because I’m afraid of doing it poorly. I stay stuck within my own theme, never venture outside my inner circle, and never explore new things. I’m forcing the same old theme upon myself. |
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