Sweet Tea and a Cloudy Sky

I’m not sure I know myself very well at all. In the movie Juno, Mac MacGuff says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when,” to which Juno responds, “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” This statement speaks to me, and I feel much the same sentiment. Often people make statements about me, or are surprised when I say certain things or act certain ways. I am often confused, frustrated, and occasionally hurt by these statements, because I don’t usually think of myself the same way other people are making me seem. This feeling is described and explained very well in this video by Ze Frank, specifically starting around 2:30:

“Lots of things can stand in your way, especially the people who are closest to you. Your family, your closest friends, think they know you and sometimes can have a very rigid definition of your theme: “You were never athletic.” “You always start things and never finish them.” “You’re not a naughty boy.” “You’re artsy.” “Your theme isn’t just made up by you.” Robert Putnam, in a book called ‘Bowling Alone’ says this inner circle is very good at supporting you in times of crisis. When you’re emotionally severed, they can remind you who you are. But if you wanna change who you are, you might need other people. People who know you but don’t know you so well. Putnam says that that’s what knitting circles and bowling leagues and clubs supplied in the middle of last century. People who would surprise you by saying, “Wow, you’re athletic.” “You do have a way with words.” “You seem like a naughty boy.” These are the people who seem like they can lead you to a new, interesting job. These are the people who provide you with new themes and new perspectives, away from the burden of history of your inner circle.”

I realize that I so often ignore as much of the world as I can and just let things happen to me. I choose ignorance over knowledge because I am afraid of things such as failure or rejection. This fear drives me to hide within my own inner circle, to keep to myself and stay around what I know to be ‘safe’. This is what causes me to stay within the same activities, as well as avoid taking risks of any sort. I’m afraid to start anything because I’m afraid of doing it poorly. I stay stuck within my own theme, never venture outside my inner circle, and never explore new things. I’m forcing the same old theme upon myself.

I feel strongly about many issues in society, but the ones I take the most action about are environmental issues and LGBT equality issues.

The environment is important to me because I have always enjoyed being outdoors and surrounded by nature. I also feel as though nature has more rights to the world than humans do, and that destroying things that were there first is wrong. These things can’t stand up for themselves and it is our responsibility to make sure we don’t encroach on the rights of other things.

When I first started high school, I made friends with a lot of people who either fell under the LGBTQ umbrella or felt strongly about the issues raised, and I found that I believed similar things. I feel comfortable around the people I’ve met within the community, and this is a trend that has continued into my life at GMU.

I would like to be able to provide new ideas to whatever service site I do my Service Learning project with. I hope to be able to introdice new ways of thinking and possibly more efficient methods of achieving goals. I expect my service site to be a place where I feel comfortable and needed. I would like to feel that I am actually doing something positive for my community and that my work is actually helping someone. I feel that a service site will probably expect me to carry out simple volunteer duties and daily tasks. The probably expect me to be helpful and friendly and enthusiastic about the cause, which are qualities that I also hope I will be able to exhibit.

I think the only “moment of obligation” I’ve had to speak of in a social action sense would be less of a moment and more of a continued learning and immersion process. As I engaged myself in the LGBT community, I became more committed to the issues and invested in the social change aspect. I began to realize exactly what extent these issues had on my life, my friends and my society as a whole. These realizations combined to get me where I am today as far as social action is concerned.