Posts Tagged “life is short”

I get really angry when I’m trying to help someone and all they do is give me back reasons why it won’t work. Especially when the issue is completely psychological.

Now, before any of you get on me, I’m aware that what I’m saying may be pretty hypocritical. I want to change these things in myself, too.

If you are depressed because you’re stuck in a crappy town, I’m going to try and help you think about the future when you can get out of it. I’m a futurist. That’s what I do. So when you turn back to me and say things like “well just because you got out doesn’t mean it will work for me.” Shut up with your negativity. When I’m trying to help you it feels really shitty when you just shut down my help.

When you’re feeling low self esteem and I tell you you’re not unattractive, please don’t respond with how you feel unattractive and that’s what matters. Say thanks and internalize the praise I’m sending you — it’s meant to make you feel better. If people tell you that you’re cute and you don’t listen to them, you’re never going to feel cute. You’re always going to feel shitty and ugly. You could be the most beautiful person in the world but if you don’t believe people when they tell you that, you’re shit out of luck.

And please please PLEASE don’t complain to me about feeling fat. Chances are it’s the way your body is supposed to be, it’s perfectly healthy, and you’re just trying to fit into some shitty societal norm that doesn’t even make sense. When you tell me that you’re jealous of my tiny body it just makes me feel shitty. I didn’t choose to be this way, I have a really small bone structure and a fast metabolism. As soon as I turn 20 or 25 my metabolism will slow down and I’ll have the same issues that you do. So please PLEASE learn to accept your body. It was made for you and it’s yours to love.

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I’m not sure I know myself very well at all. In the movie Juno, Mac MacGuff says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when,” to which Juno responds, “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” This statement speaks to me, and I feel much the same sentiment. Often people make statements about me, or are surprised when I say certain things or act certain ways. I am often confused, frustrated, and occasionally hurt by these statements, because I don’t usually think of myself the same way other people are making me seem. This feeling is described and explained very well in this video by Ze Frank, specifically starting around 2:30:

“Lots of things can stand in your way, especially the people who are closest to you. Your family, your closest friends, think they know you and sometimes can have a very rigid definition of your theme: “You were never athletic.” “You always start things and never finish them.” “You’re not a naughty boy.” “You’re artsy.” “Your theme isn’t just made up by you.” Robert Putnam, in a book called ‘Bowling Alone’ says this inner circle is very good at supporting you in times of crisis. When you’re emotionally severed, they can remind you who you are. But if you wanna change who you are, you might need other people. People who know you but don’t know you so well. Putnam says that that’s what knitting circles and bowling leagues and clubs supplied in the middle of last century. People who would surprise you by saying, “Wow, you’re athletic.” “You do have a way with words.” “You seem like a naughty boy.” These are the people who seem like they can lead you to a new, interesting job. These are the people who provide you with new themes and new perspectives, away from the burden of history of your inner circle.”

I realize that I so often ignore as much of the world as I can and just let things happen to me. I choose ignorance over knowledge because I am afraid of things such as failure or rejection. This fear drives me to hide within my own inner circle, to keep to myself and stay around what I know to be ‘safe’. This is what causes me to stay within the same activities, as well as avoid taking risks of any sort. I’m afraid to start anything because I’m afraid of doing it poorly. I stay stuck within my own theme, never venture outside my inner circle, and never explore new things. I’m forcing the same old theme upon myself.

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Can we seriously just talk for a minute about how angry this article makes me?

Gar-Field: Graduation ceremony remembers late principal

If you didn’t read it, at least pull it up in another tab for reference.
Now. Look at the picture. Look at the title. How are these two things related, except for the event around which they are centered? Why is there a picture of a couple kissing for an article about commemorating the dead principal?

Now. The people who wrote this article presumably do not know the couple pictured. There’s mention of their names in the caption. I, however do know these people. I found this article because of a link on Angela’s facebook page. The people that are being linked to this article do not care about the content, just the fact that “Oh wow my friends’ picture was in the paper!”

From a photojournalistic standpoint. I used to be on the yearbook staff in my high school. The same high school featured in this article actually. What we learned was not to include photos of couples, since there’s no guarantee that they’ll still be together. Well….more that, if the pictures are used, they have to be ‘innocent’ photos and the caption says something along the lines of ‘friends.’
It’s high school. There is nothing saying this is a good solid relationship. What if the inclusion of this photo caused drama and messed things up?

Now. The rest of the article. Why does it jump around so much? One minute we’re reading about Dr. Aiken, the next we find out who the valedictorian and salutatorian were, and then we’re hearing advice from Tara Wheeler.

I’ll admit, I didn’t go to the ceremony this year. I’m kind of glad, being around all those red robes would have made me mad. They were blue for so long…-sigh-. As someone who didn’t go to the ceremony, I would have enjoyed at least being able to read proper coverage about it. Where is the cliche copy about how parents eyes were moist, friends ran off celebrating, basically all the stuff that I didn’t get to experience at mine? WHERE IS THIS SAPPY STUFF?

I’m so mad about this. I bet it’s probably not a big deal to anyone else in the world. Just me.

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Should I let my imagination go and think up futures? Should I allow myself to create my perfect world and think out how I want my life to be? Is it wise to let myself daydream and possibly be hurt if/when things don’t go my way? Is the risk of disappointment worth the satisfaction of getting my thoughts, desires and silly wishes down on paper?

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I hate putting the date on something if I’ve had to put the date on something the day before, and I see the two items next to each other. I get a sense of just how quickly the days are passing and just how little I am actually doing with my life.

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