Posts Tagged “awake”
Posted by Re in Classwork, Consciousness Meaning and Life Purpose, Life, Media, Reflections, tags: awake, blogging, choices, cmlp, contemplation, life, life is short, realization, reflective, thoughts
I’m not sure I know myself very well at all. In the movie Juno, Mac MacGuff says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when,” to which Juno responds, “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” This statement speaks to me, and I feel much the same sentiment. Often people make statements about me, or are surprised when I say certain things or act certain ways. I am often confused, frustrated, and occasionally hurt by these statements, because I don’t usually think of myself the same way other people are making me seem. This feeling is described and explained very well in this video by Ze Frank, specifically starting around 2:30:
“Lots of things can stand in your way, especially the people who are closest to you. Your family, your closest friends, think they know you and sometimes can have a very rigid definition of your theme: “You were never athletic.” “You always start things and never finish them.” “You’re not a naughty boy.” “You’re artsy.” “Your theme isn’t just made up by you.” Robert Putnam, in a book called ‘Bowling Alone’ says this inner circle is very good at supporting you in times of crisis. When you’re emotionally severed, they can remind you who you are. But if you wanna change who you are, you might need other people. People who know you but don’t know you so well. Putnam says that that’s what knitting circles and bowling leagues and clubs supplied in the middle of last century. People who would surprise you by saying, “Wow, you’re athletic.” “You do have a way with words.” “You seem like a naughty boy.” These are the people who seem like they can lead you to a new, interesting job. These are the people who provide you with new themes and new perspectives, away from the burden of history of your inner circle.”
I realize that I so often ignore as much of the world as I can and just let things happen to me. I choose ignorance over knowledge because I am afraid of things such as failure or rejection. This fear drives me to hide within my own inner circle, to keep to myself and stay around what I know to be ‘safe’. This is what causes me to stay within the same activities, as well as avoid taking risks of any sort. I’m afraid to start anything because I’m afraid of doing it poorly. I stay stuck within my own theme, never venture outside my inner circle, and never explore new things. I’m forcing the same old theme upon myself.
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Posted by Re in Fashion, Stories, tags: artsyfartsy, awake, dress, emotive, gay rights, green, happy, marriage, missing people, outdoors, outfit, outside, posed, relatives, sanctity, sewing, story, synthetic, weddings
I made this dress out of the leftover fabric from my mom’s wedding’s bridesmaid dresses. I had a bridesmaid dress too but I don’t know what I did with it, I think I might have grown out if it. I like this one better anyways, the bridesmaid dress was form-fitting except for a slit and i like flowy/poufy things better anyways.
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Posted by Re in Fashion, tags: artsyfartsy, awake, blue, clothes, dress, emotive, hat, long post, missing people, moving, outdoors, outfit, outside, phone calls, posed, procrastination, relatives, sleep, social media, story
Sometimes I tell myself about all the things I need to do. I look anywhere other than my computer screen and see all the things piled around me waiting to be done. My room needs work, I need to sew, I need to do this or that. Then I turn back to my computer and read blogs like hipsterrunoff dot com and wonder what I’m doing with my life. I go on twitter and complain about how lonely I feel, and I get frustrated thinking about how I really just wish my boyfriend would call me.
Today he called me around 9:30. He hasn’t called me in a couple days, he’s been busy or something. I guess I mean, people get busy, whatevs. I’ve called him a couple times but he’s always like, yo I’ll call you back. Today when I talked to him he fell asleep on the phone. He does this sometimes and it pisses me off. Then I stay up later and later, telling myself I’ll get something productive done but really just wasting time on facebook and tumblr and twitter and hro. I stay up waiting for him to wake up and call me back, but he never does. Sometimes the next day I find out he woke up but didn’t call back because he didn’t want to wake me up, but I wasn’t asleep in the first place.
I live in the middle of nowhere right now. I’m an hour and a half away from the nearest non-relative person I know. So it’s not like I can distract myself by going out with my friends like I used to do. I also can’t get myself to go to sleep for some reason. So I dress up and go in my bathroom and take pictures. That’s not what happened with this one though, this one I took friday night at TJ’s house. you can see it on lookbook
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Posted by Re in Fashion, tags: aesthetic, artsyfartsy, awake, bathroom, black, buttons, clothes, dress, emotive, jumper, outfit, pigtails, posed, red, sad, sewing, shoes, sleep, synthetic, thrift
So I made this jumper. It’s black and it has buttons made from real shells. My friend Meg says it’s cute, but I’ve never worn it. My friend TJ says it’s not. He just has something against jumpers, or overalls, or cute things, I guess. I’m sitting in his office right now. There are also things like crayons and legos in here, so I guess it’s a playroom too. There used to be pokemon toys but I stole them all and now they’re in my room. He’s fighting on the couch with Justine. She called him a little sorority bitch. See on lookbook.
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Posted by Re in Fashion, tags: aesthetic, artsyfartsy, awake, bathroom, clothes, dress, emotive, gay rights, outfit, pigtails, posed, sewing, shoes, sleep, story
I don’t really know why I’m awake. I took some pictures in some cool outfits earlier. I’m supposed to be cleaning up my room. or sleeping. I think I’ll go to bed after I post this. It’s an outfit I made a while ago. I guess about a year ago. It’s two pieces, a top and a skirt, but it looks like a dress kind of. I guess it’s a summer look and I should probably wear it out sometime. See it on lookbook.
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